


Not Perfect, Perfect.

by goalielove43



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Caught, Coming Out, Emotional crisis, F/F, F/M, Frottage, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Multi, Open Relationships, Swingers, Washington Capitals, implied future Lauren Cosgrove/Brandi Holtby, in the closet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:20:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goalielove43/pseuds/goalielove43
Summary: TJ sat on the perfect cream colored couch in his living room, staring at the perfectly manicured space, presently occupied by his perfect wife and perfect kids. Every single thing in this room was utter perfection... except him.
Relationships: Braden Holtby/Brandi Holtby, Braden Holtby/T. J. Oshie, Lauren Cosgrove/T. J. Oshie
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60
Collections: Pucking Rare - A Hockey Rarepair Challenge





	Not Perfect, Perfect.

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [PuckingRare2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/PuckingRare2020) collection. 



> Request by Anonymous from the PuckingRare2020 - Rarepair Challenge. I didn't find this until 7/5 but here I am, writing this super quick to get it up in time because who the hell could pass up the actual pairing that has been banging around in my head for weeks now?! Like holy shit, read my damn mind, why don't you???  
> Request: Maybe something where TJ doesn't want to admit he caught feelings but literally everybody knows?  
> (I did my best to imply that at least Lauren and maybe Brandi and Braden both knew TJ had feels for Braden. I hope that came across!)

TJ sat on the perfect cream colored couch in his living room, staring at the perfectly manicured space, presently occupied by his perfect wife and perfect kids. Every single thing in this room was utter perfection... except him. He sat, hunched over, his hands clasped between his knees, wavering somewhere between wanting to just dump his truth all over the room and run away from it and wanting to just find somewhere to scream until his voice broke. He was a mess, a terrible _terrible_ mess and he was in so much trouble if anyone so much as ever suspected the truth. 

It was one thing to have been hiding his sexuality for his entire life, to never have told a single solitary person that he was bisexual. It was another to have been quietly giving in to his desires by means of downloading attractive photos of men he was attracted to and hiding himself away for very private wank sessions. None of the photos were ever raunchy, in fact they never exceeded shirtless in content, but that didn't change what he did with them and it didn't change how he felt like he had to hide it all, even from his wife. 

TJ didn't keep secrets... at least not any other secrets. He was one of those people who were particularly bad at it when he was given one to hold onto. If someone told him about a surprise party, he'd end up giving it away completely on accident long before the actual date. God forbid he try to hide something from the girls for their birthday or Christmas - they'd know about it the first time they blinked at him in the right way. He prided himself on never keeping something from Lauren, on telling her about every little thing. Except... he'd been keeping his sexuality from her for as long as he'd known her. That was... until last week.

Last week had felt like the world was caving in on top of him. He'd had a sour week at the rink, a worse week outside of it, and frankly the world had felt like it was ending. While he could fully acknowledge that it wasn't, it didn't change that it had felt like it at the time. Sure, his problems were petty in comparison to other people's and even more minor in comparison to the world's. But someone had once told him not to compare his problems to anyone else's because they were personal to him and they meant what they did to him and to him only. It helped... a little. 

Overall, it had meant he'd fallen off the 'absolutely do not look for photos you shouldn't be' wagon by the time Friday had rolled around. He'd done what he always did when the urge grew too great to ignore and he'd holed himself up in the bathroom attached to his and Lauren's room, closed both the bedroom and the bathroom door, and settled himself on the toilet lid, phone in hand. 

It hadn't taken him long to give in to something he'd tried very hard not to want over the past few years. The combination of the shitty week and the very fresh image of Braden, sans every single stitch of his clothing standing in front of him for a five minute discussion on weekend plans, culminated in a private browser window and a search of "Braden Holtby shirtless" and then "Braden Holtby sexy" and finally an open image of Braden in the locker room, a still from some interview video where he'd been changing in the background. It was a waist-up shot, nothing untoward, just... miles of Braden's skin on display, his hair soaked from the showers, his arms raised and his head tilted back and well, that did things to TJ. 

His mind had taken off with the image, thinking about it being here, in his bathroom. Braden taking off that shirt, soaked from the pool or from them working out together. Either one worked, really. Then he imaged being on his knees for him, being below the range of that photo, causing Braden's head to be tossed back like that. 

He'd bitten his lip hard and shoved his hand in his sweats and began his frantic jerk-off session with all of _that_ swirling around in his mind. Even sitting here now, he remembered how fast he'd been going at it, how incredibly horny he'd been, and how much _more_ that session had meant to him than most of the others he'd indulged in over the years. It'd been Braden, not some random dude, not a guy from another team he'd only faced on the ice and nothing more. No, it was Braden: the guy he shared a locker room with, had lunch with sometimes, talked to on a fairly regular basis even outside of hockey. _Braden. Holtby. Holts._

He'd been right there, right on the edge, about to tip over into much-needed bliss when the door had opened and Lauren had stepped in. 

Fear did stupid things to people. Sometimes it caused fight or flight and sometimes it caused someone to freeze up and be utterly unable to so much as move a single muscle in their defense. It was the later that had overcome him, left him frozen with Holtby's picture on the screen, his hand wrapped around his dick, and something he imagined had looked like utter agony on his face when Lauren stepped in, smirked at him and leaned over to see what he'd been looking at.

It wasn't that unusual. If he was feeling randy and she wasn't, he'd fairly often just start doing it right beside her in the bed. She didn't mind and she'd generally glance at whatever he was getting off to, and sometimes it was to his advantage as it'd come up later when they were together. If he trended toward blowjobs, she'd inevitably give him one the next time they were together. If he had ended up completely into girls face-sitting, he'd find himself drowning in her and loving his life because of it. So it meant nothing other than what it always had when she leaned over to look at the phone, she was seeking information on what he was so riled up over.

Only... she wasn't supposed to know about this. 

Half a heart attack later, she'd just tilted her head a little, smirked, and offered a bright, "Holts, huh? Good choice," before grabbing the case containing her daily meds and walking right back out. 

While it should have set his mind at ease that she'd just _accepted it_ and walked away, it instead ate at him. Was she secretly mad at him? Did she hate that it was someone they knew? Was she angry it had been a guy he was looking at? Did she maybe think it was all a joke and he'd just tapped open an image to cover what he'd actually been watching? The last one seemed unlikely given he'd never tried to hide his porn before and she knew that. In retrospect that had been a stupid thing to do when he had such a huge secret.

Now... now he was miserable. Miserable because the more he thought about it, the more he realized he'd been drifting closer and closer to Braden for months. They talked more than ever, hung out together more often than not, and were so comfortable around one another that Braden regularly held full discussions with him while they were completely naked, something TJ took note didn't happen with Braden and any of the other guys. 

Except since Friday, TJ had been avoiding him like the plague. He dodged most of his texts, replied back with bland commentary that wasn't nearly as involved as it had been before. He declined two invites to Braden's home and hadn't invited him over at all despite the upcoming arrival of his own birthday, an event Braden had been a key part of since they'd been teammates. He'd also found himself avoiding Lauren in a way he despised himself for doing. He nearly always refused to be alone with her, found a reason one of the kids had to be present, and had been keeping stupid hours just to go to sleep after her and wake up before her, claiming it was for workouts. Which, he was doing in order to make it not a lie, but it was also killing him, his poor body run down and upset with him in ways it hadn't been since college drinking had been a thing.

Now he sat on his perfect couch, in his perfect living room, with his perfect family... and he felt like a stain upon the whole thing. It didn't matter that he was wearing the outfit Lauren had picked out for him - all cream and soft colors that matched hers and the kids outfits. It didn't matter that it was his birthday. Nothing mattered because he was losing cohesion. She'd just merrily told him Braden and Brandi would be here soon, their kids in tow and that a few of the others guys would probably be by later, but not until this evening. TJ felt sick. Sick and wrong and like he was about to crack apart right here in the cream-colored living room and make a horrible mess of it all.

He felt all of it so acutely that he didn't even notice the kids weren't in the room anymore until Lauren was kneeling in front of him, her hands on his knees and her worried face peering up at him. "You've got to talk to me. What's going on?" When he didn't answer, she pressed on, her voice gentle but asking for his attention. "Do you not want to see Braden? Is that what's wrong? You two have a falling out I didn't know about?"

TJ managed to shake his head, finally pulling in a full breath and sitting back because she was far too close for this conversation. He didn't have any idea how long they had before the Holtby's would be here and this wasn't a toss it out there and hope for the best kind of thing. His fingers shook and he clenched them to try to make it stop. When it didn't work, he flatted them against his thighs instead and chose to stare off toward the picture window and the lovely view beyond it. 

It took a few tries, but he got his voice to work and his mind on board with the plan of just throwing it all out there and hoping for forgiveness with everything he was.

"The other day... with the photo-"

"Oh, Teej," Lauren murmured, "it's okay, you know that right? It's not like I'm gonna tell him or something."

The thought choked him up again and it took everything he had to just plow on forward as if she hadn't spoken at all. "I guess you know now. It's the only secret I've ever managed to keep... been keeping it since I was a kid. I kinda knew when I was just a boy, figured it out the instant hormones hit, and have been hiding it as best I could since then. I'm..." he felt like the world was swimming, like he was going to pass out. It was sort of like heat exhaustion, minus the desire to vomit. Still, he choked out the thing he really needed to say. After all, he kind of owed it to Lauren at this point. "I'm bi."

Her hands rubbed at his kneecaps and after a while, he looked down at her, fear as to why she wasn't talking forcing his gaze downward. She still wore the same concerned look on her face. "Did you think I didn't know that already?"

" _What_?" His pulse spiked, panic working its way through his veins. If she knew, if she'd figured it out, how obvious was he? Did everyone know? Did someone else just suspect? Was he giving himself away in the locker room? God, if the boys knew-

Her fingertips pinched against his thigh and he jerked his focus back to her. 

"The porn you choose, it's always kind of been along the same lines of things I'd watch. More prominent man than woman. Sometimes a threesome and it's always the two guys, one girl kind... and you never seemed to mind when it would veer off into the guys maybe touching a bit. Granted, it never crossed the line over into actual bisexual porn, but... the idea was there and it never bothered you. You share your porn all the time and then sometimes you'd sneak off and close all the doors and hide away like you were suddenly ashamed to be doing it. It was kind of obvious to me that either a) you were into some kinky shit you were embarrassed of or b) more into guys than the other stuff let on and trying to hide it. I tested the kinky shit theory a few times and you're pretty damn vanilla, so..." she shrugged and smiled softly at him. 

"I figured it out probably about a year in but wasn't entirely certain I was right until I walked in on you with that photo. I need you to know a few things, the first one being I'm one hundred percent okay with this. I'd never judge you for your sexuality. _Ever_. So... stop judging yourself for a minute and breathe. Inside these walls, you're allowed to be you. All of you. I get it that maybe it wouldn't fly with the guys, you know? But here... stop hiding. We're not raising our kids to be afraid of whatever their identities turn out to be and I refuse to let you keep stuffing yourself back into the closet after you get off every few months. It's ridiculous."

TJ sank back into the couch, confusion warring with relief. He was so used to hiding, he didn't have any idea if he even knew how not to. Plus, how was he supposed to turn it back off outside of here? What if someone noticed?

Her fingers lightly tapped on his thigh. "Breathe. Next off... I'd like you to know something that I know about Brandi and Braden that I'm pretty sure you don't. Braden doesn't seem the type to actually talk about it, particularly since it deviates from what most of the world thinks of as the norm, but... before the kids, they used to switch. It was kind of their kink. She's told me about a few of the sessions and hedged around some things that I think might imply something you might want to know about Braden. Fairly certain he's not as straight as he lets on either."

It took a minute for that knowledge to sink in, for the understanding that Lauren had been talking with Brandi about her and Braden... what? Hooking up with other couples? The thought sent a zing of desire through his system and he had to really work not to immediately tamp down on it like he usually did. In the end, he squashed it anyway, too messed up already to let his mind start running away with him on a million scenarios he now wanted and hadn't ever known he did. 

"Besides," she murmured, "I don't think you and Braden are as sly as you think you are about hiding how you feel about one another. You're constantly around each other, you're touchier than you are with any of the other guys and he is too... and honestly, he doesn't get handsy with the others as far as I've seen. Just you. I suspect the feeling is pretty mutual and I bet if I brought it up - even jokingly - to Brandi, she'd agree with me.

"Don't. I-" he jerked his head up to meet her eyes, pure fear slamming through him. "Please don't. God, he'd hate me. They'd all hate me." He stumbled upright, stepped past her and headed for the window, pushing his hand through his hair, trying not to completely lose it. "The whole team would know. I'd get kicked out. Of course they couldn't say it was because of this, but they'd find something, dredge up something stupid I did somewhere and use it against me. I'd be on waivers so fast my head would spin. No one would take me. Oh _fuck_ , I can't-"

Her arms wrapped around him, bringing him to a stop and he stood there, breathing heavy, something aching lodged in his throat. "He'd hate me if he knew. He probably hates me anyway. I've been pushing him away. I didn't even invite him to my own birthday. I barely talk to him now. I just... I don't know what to do, but I have to pull back. It's too much. _He's_ too much." Distraught, he managed a strangled, "I can't do this to you."

"Do what exactly? Be attracted to your best friend in years? Secretly want to fuck his brains out and keep right on being his best friend? It's like you think I would mind, but I wouldn't. I'm actually really okay with the idea of it. Even if it was a private thing between you two, without me or Brandi around... it's hot. The idea of you accepting yourself, of giving in, of it being someone we both like and trust? I'm good with that. And given their past, I think they would be too."

When he remained quiet, she just whispered, "He won't hate you, TJ. Braden's been fighting for LGBT+ rights for longer than we've known him. In a way that shows he means it, not just some token display. Let me talk to him about that today, at the very least. Nothing about you or anything. Just... Pride's coming up, it's a good time for discussion of rights. Let's see what he has to say, alright?"

TJ nodded, deflating, his mind too exhausted to keep fighting. He was tired, running on fumes, and honestly more than a little terrified to see the hurt he'd probably inflicted by pulling back from Braden for some unknown-to-him reason. 

As if the universe had made a decision for him, the doorbell chimed and Lauren peeled herself away to go answer it. TJ continued standing by the window, feeling hollow and still vaguely ill. 

Braden's hand pulled him out of his own head, warm and heavy on his shoulder, squeezing harder than Lauren would have. "Hey, man." He didn't ask if he was okay and TJ felt like he didn't need to. The way he said those two words implied he already knew something was wrong. 

TJ tried to pull himself together, tried to paste on a smile and turn around to greet Braden, holding out his hand. They clasped and too late, TJ remembered the next part had become a thing for them. Braden stepped in and auto-pilot kicked on and they embraced and TJ just wanted to stay right there, safe for half a second. He stepped back instead and released Braden's hand, gesturing toward the kitchen and the yard beyond. "Breakfast is set up for us on the back porch. I think the kids are already out there, maybe Lauren, too."

Braden followed without comment and that alone told TJ something had changed between them. Their usual chatter was less, the easy banter between them not coming at all. He led them outside and took his seat, trying to look at ease with it when Braden took the one next to him, Brandi and Lauren spaced between the kids. Everyone got involved with serving the food and conversation was struck up about plans for the summer and latest trends in kids clothing that didn't make any sense. Topics veered wildly, as they usually did, and TJ made every effort in the world to be involved in all of them on more than a passing level. That was, until Lauren brightly asked, "So Pride is next month, right?"

Braden leaned forward, bracing his arms on the table, a smile on his lips. "Yeah, it is. I keep getting asked to go to so many different festivities, but I feel like I can't leave DC high and dry without me, you know? Really wish things were spaced better. A day apart doesn't give me time to fly halfway across the country and back. A week, I could do. Even a few days."

"Maybe pitch it to them for next year, I'm sure the organizers would love to work together to try to get you to be there. Big names and all that, right?"

"Possibly." Braden took a sip of his water and set it back down, his foot jabbing TJ's under the table. "Maybe you should come this year. Having two of us standing up for the community isn't a bad thing. They can use all the support they can get and I think seeing you out there would probably mean more than me anyway."

"What?" TJ's heart pounded, his mind going in twenty million directions at once. For a second he forgot what air even was, much less how to breath it, and then he realized Braden was just trying to get support, not saying TJ should stand there and out himself for the world. He didn't know... couldn't know... right? Belatedly, he managed to make himself say something less questionable. "That's horseshit and you know it. It means a lot to the community that you're there. Don't put yourself down like that."

"You know they're probably gonna trade me this year. I mean it feels inevitable. Not so sure DC wants me after that, you know? Gotta get someone to stand up and rep for the team and I'd rather it be someone I think might actually be behind the community instead of someone doing it for PR kudos. It means more when the intent is real."

TJ closed his eyes against the idea that Braden might not be here next year. He sat with the knowledge of what was happening and absolutely no spatial awareness, listening to the kids play in the yard somewhere behind them but feeling utterly detached from it all.

"It's nice that you actually mean your support. You're right, it means more when it's true and it shows with you, I think. They all want you to come because you don't feel fake about it." Lauren's voice was pleasant, light on the air.

"Trust me, the support isn't fake. It's personal."

TJ swore his heart stopped for a second. It wasn't the first time Braden had said exactly that sentence. Hell, he'd said it to the team last year right before Pride. But it meant something else now that TJ let himself actually hear it. He slowly opened his eyes and allowed himself to study Braden, to truly look at him. Their eyes met and Braden ever so slightly raised his eyebrows at him.

TJ whispered, "Personal," feeling like he had the driest mouth in the entire world right then. He measured his own word, made sure it wasn't tinged with anything regrettable. It was, perhaps, filled with awe and nothing more.

"Very," Braden confirmed, his voice achingly quiet. A few heavy seconds of silence followed the statement and then he smiled, nudged TJ's foot under the table and murmured, "If you're lucky, maybe I'll tell you something very few people know."

"How do I get lucky?" The words were out before he could stop them and the instant they were on the air, he heard Brandi choke on her water, Lauren's giggle, and watched the shit-eating grin appear on Braden's face. TJ's cheeks heated with his mistaken wording and he sputtered a little, about to backpedal when Braden leaned in a whispered, "Ask," and then stood up and headed inside, leaving TJ staring after him with his mouth hanging open.

It took Brandi clearing her throat for him to jerk his gaze away from where Braden had gone and over to her. She tilted her head at him and asked, "May I be blunt with you? It could be something you don't want to hear, but it could just as likely be something you do."

Mutely, TJ nodded, pretty sure he was about to get some variant of conversation on why he should keep his mouth shut and stop making an ass out of himself.

Instead, she sat back in her chair, crossed her legs, and said, "Braden and I used to be swingers. We really only stopped because it was inconvenient to be recognized and then... the kids. They're at the age babysitters are a thing now though, so the thought has occurred to us to try again. Our preference is other married couples who might be interested."

"Uh-" TJ managed, all his words he'd prepped about knowing he needed to watch what he said before saying it drying up in his mouth.

"Though, honestly, I think it would be better if it were a consistent sort of thing." She lifted her hand and examined her nails, giving him time to collect himself and his face. He cast a glance at Lauren who was basically grinning at him and jerked his gaze back to Brandi when she continued speaking. "And I get it if it would be more of a you and Braden thing. I'd be good with a me and Lauren thing, separate from that. Braden and I never really let ourselves do the things we maybe wanted to due to who he is, you know? It was probably enough of a smear if it got out that we were having foursomes in our home, worse if someone realized it was almost more partner-swapping... it didn't need to go so far as to let them know that maybe our preferences were aligned... elsewhere."

Lauren's foot slid up his shin and he moved his gaze back to her, completely stunned. "I think it would be fun. I've kind of always wondered what it'd be like with another woman."

Brandi sat up and lifted her fork from her plate, stabbed a piece of waffle and pointed it at TJ. "I'm betting what he whispered was a pretty clear invitation. If you want it, go get it. This isn't a joke. Consider it... a birthday present that keeps on giving."

Everything in him wanted to stand up and go get it, but a whole other part of him was legitimately terrified he was being trapped into something. That part kept him rooted to his seat until Brandi sighed. "I'd prefer him get to say it, but he told me if it ever came up and I had to be the one, to just do it. So... here goes. Braden's bi." She waved her hand. "Maybe more accurately pansexual at this point, it's a wiggly line he hasn't quite decided on yet. Whatever, labels aren't the important part here. The ball is in you court. Choose to do something with it or don't. Just... don't toss it in the road for the world to see, if you get my drift."

"Don't out him... yeah... got it." TJ surprised himself with how steady his voice was. He felt like hell inside, but outside, he was apparently fairing a bit better than that.

He hesitated, then stood, took a few steps and then stopped. "Did you two plan this?"

"Nope." Lauren watched him, a plea in her gaze for him to accept that she'd had nothing to do with this, and he accepted it. Knew the world had just happened to line up this way... and maybe it had more to do with him having been staring at naked Braden in the locker room before all but ghosting him. They didn't need to know what he'd been up to in his bathroom with a picture of Braden to know he'd pulled away right after such an obvious event. Foolish... he was foolish. He'd showed his hand without ever meaning to.

His feet carried him inside and he found Braden leaning on the kitchen island. There was as much confidence as there was wariness in his gaze and TJ knew he needed to erase that second one as quickly as possible. This was it, apparently the week his life changed on a dime. The week his secret was suddenly in a minimum of three other people's hands. He came to a stop maybe a foot from Braden, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and did his best to be an adult about this. "So I guess that means you figured out I'm not as straight as I'd like everyone to believe."

"Kinda known that for a long time now."

TJ closed his eyes and tipped his head back, taking in a deep breath and sighing it back out. "Why is it that I've hidden my whole life and in less than a week three people tell me they've known or suspected. How the hell did I give myself away that badly?"

"It's not difficult when you know the signs of hiding because you do them, too. Don't ever look at another guy in the locker room. Eyes in the stall. Horse around just enough to not stand out because you don't but nope right out of every situation involving too much contact with too little clothing. Absolutely do not answer your wife's questions of if someone's attractive despite having an opinion and looking for all the world like you're going to offer it up right before shutting down. Pull away when you fuck up and do or say something that gives you away. Trust me, I've been through it all. I get the goalie pass for not horsing around and keeping my nose shoved in my stall, but the rest of it, I own it because I've done it. Too many guys in the shower, I'm outta there. Someone getting overly friendly while I'm unclothed, nope, I'm done. God forbid my body give me away like the horrible traitor it tries to be sometimes. And Brandi doesn't even realize she does it when she shoves a photo at me and asks if someone's attractive. Like, yeah, babe, you know I'm into men, but no one else in here does! Lauren's done it to you, too. I've watched her and I've seen you almost answer and then abandon ship."

TJ stood there through the whole thing, eventually managing to open his eyes and watch Braden while he talked. When he was clearly done, he looked away again, staring at the hanging rack with their pans on it. "I gave myself away the other day, didn't I? Looked too long or something... I kind of knew I had when I got home, but I kept telling myself you wouldn't notice, that it would be okay."

"Did it not occur to you that I've literally never been comfortable enough to hold full conversations in the buff with anyone but you?"

"I... uh... no."

"Clearly." Braden huffed out a laugh. "Well, newsflash, I'm comfortable around you. Now we can just be comfortable around each other."

TJ pulled one of his hands from his pocket and reached up to scratch nervously at his scalp. He stuffed his hand back in his pocket and worried his lower lip for a moment before blurting out, "It's not really that easy. I'm attracted to you and that kind of changes things. I can't just know that you know and just go back to how it was like it's nothing. It's not _nothing_."

One second Braden was still leaning on the counter, the next he was crowding TJ against it, moving in to press himself near-fully against him. Thigh moved against thigh, hip against hip. "Answer this. Do you want me to kiss you right now?"

"Yes."

The answer felt freeing, easy in a way TJ hadn't expected. He breathed out a sigh of relief and opened himself to whatever was going to happen. Braden's hand slid into his hair, gently pulled, tipping TJ's head back, and then he was kissing him. It was gentle and steady, an easy kind of kiss that both gave away the passion lurking just beneath the surface and firmly kept it where it was, waiting to appear. It took TJ a minute to adjust, to give in and take what he wanted, and when he did, he surprised himself by grabbing two handfuls of Braden's shirt and clinging to him like he'd die if he let go. He gave what he got and he toes nearly curled with how good it was. His desire ramped up steadily, growing inside him into a white hot spot of need he knew he wouldn't be able to put out with a kiss alone. 

Braden's hips gently nudged against his own and TJ's jerked at the sensation of Braden's very obvious arousal pressing against him. He knew he was just as obvious, maybe more so and he didn't stop himself from rocking against him, letting himself feel another man how he'd always wanted to. 

"Now that's more like it." Lauren's voice startled him out of the kiss, made him jerk away from it, guilt swelling up inside him even as he reminded himself she was okay with this. 

Braden held him in place, just casually pinning him there while he regarded Lauren. "I tend to agree with you."

She opened the fridge and pulled out the container of orange juice, closed the door and turned back to them. "Do it again."

Braden's fingertips gently turned TJ's face back toward him and then let go, his hand going back to the island. "Your turn. You kiss me this time." He leaned in and breathed out against his ear, "I want it _bad_. I know you can feel how much I do."

Something flipped inside him at that and TJ reached up to gently move Braden into a better position, leaning in and brushing his lips over Braden's. He did it again and again, growing bolder and bolder until he finally fully claimed them with his own, tongue flicking out to lap over his lower lip and then delve in when he was permitted. His hands wandered then, finding their way over Braden's sides and then down to his hips to hold on as he arched against him, moaning into the kiss at the feeling of Braden's erection dragging against his own.

The door opened and closed again and for a moment TJ thought Lauren had left but then he heard Brandi's reverent, "Yeah that's exactly as amazing as I thought it would be. Hot as fuck, right?"

"Oh yeah." TJ could hear Lauren's smile in her voice, listened to their footsteps head back toward the door, and then moaned when Lauren called out, "Take that as far as you two want, we're gonna keep everyone busy outside. Oh... and the boys aren't coming until five, you have time."

They kept it right there, right against the kitchen island for what felt like forever, grinding on another as they kissed the ever living fuck right out of each other. It took TJ finally breaking the kiss and just straight up clinging to Braden's hips as he humped up against him for Braden to whisper, "TJ... Osh... Oshibabe, it's okay, we can move this to a bedroom or even the living room. Do more if you want or just this, but with more privacy." His lips ghosted over TJ's neck and then throat and he shuddered hard. "Tell me what you want."

"Everything," he breathed out, too far gone to care how desperate he sounded or how obvious it was that he was beyond pent up. 

Braden pulled away, snagging TJ's hand and pulling him with him. Once he had him walking, he loosened his grip but didn't let go. "Bedroom or living room?"

"Spare room... the one you spent the night in that one time."

Braden led them down the hall and into the bedroom, leaving the light off. He let go of TJ's hand to go pull the sheer curtain over the window to hide from any prying eyeballs and came back to retrieve TJ from where he'd stalled out near the foot of the bed. "Are you more comfortable with me leading this time?"

TJ nodded mutely, still so on edge, he felt like he had the first time a girl had touched him in the last year of middle school. 

Braden gently walked him backwards, pushed him down on the edge of the bed. "Shoes off, get rid of the belt." As he spoke, he began duplicating what he'd asked TJ to do. TJ was fast to kick his shoes off, lean down and yank his socks off, and pry open his belt and yank it free of his loops. It ditched it on the floor with a clunk and pushed himself back on the bed a bit more, eager to see where this was going. 

He got his answer a moment later, Braden settling astride his thighs and pushing him back against the mattress, following him down. Their lips met and it was like they hadn't stopped in the kitchen, only it was so much more intense, being horizontal and having the leverage to push back against every movement, to arch and rub and thrust and _God_ , TJ was going to fall apart soon if he didn't watch it. He whimpered and Braden mouthed at a spot under his jaw before whispering, "You make the best noises. I want to hear them all."

TJ whined and Braden moaned, his hands going between them to start working TJ's pants open. "Tell me... if I go too far, okay?"

TJ nodded, arching toward Braden's touch. He ached he was so hard. He arched and rocked and when his pants were opened, he strained up and stayed there, waiting as Braden peeled his pants and briefs down to his hips, revealing his cock to the air. Braden made the most reverent of noises and after a few more moments of clothing rustling, he was there, right _there_ , right against TJ and when TJ looked down they were pressed together, cock-to-cock, both of them achingly hard. 

He moved then, his hips jerking frantically as he watched them rub against one another. It was something he'd thought about doing to other guys before, though he'd never been brave enough to look up porn of it. It was a millions times more pleasurable than he'd thought it would be though.

They rocked together, the bed creaking as they really laid into it, both of them just watching what they were doing. TJ used his feet as leverage to move faster and Braden ground down harder on him, every jerk of his hips intentional. Harsh. TJ's fingers bit into Braden's hips and he felt himself slip past the point of no return. His body flushed and his lips parted, his head fell back and he arched up hard, groaning and then it hit him so hard his vision actually whited out and he forgot to breathe for a few seconds. He was utterly wracked with it, his body trembling as he strained through his orgasm, emptying his balls all over him and Braden. 

Still trembling, he relaxed a little. Braden curled over him, almost protective, his hips jerking in tight little movements as he breathed out, "Oh holy shit... TJ, I'm gonna... _fuck_!" He went entirely rigid and then his cock began to twitch right against TJ's, the warmth of his release running down their shafts and he strained through the whole thing, making the most pornographic of sounds as he came. He eased when he was done and reached up and hauled him down to kiss him until he felt drunk on it.

When they parted, it was to sit there, Braden astride TJ's thighs, both of them messy, sticky, and entirely blissed out. TJ wet his lips and then smiled up at Braden, a blissed out, pleased little thing. They stared at one another for a long moment before Braden eased himself off of TJ's lap, settling on his side beside him, his hand roaming over TJ's hip. 

They were quiet for long enough TJ thought perhaps they wouldn't talk, that they'd just lay here in companionable silence, but then Braden's lips ghosted over his shoulder and he whispered, "You're perfection, you know that?"

TJ closed his eyes, every feeling from earlier in the morning at war with that sentiment. He hadn't felt perfect then. He'd felt significantly less than that. But now... hearing it from Braden, said like that, whispered so reverently in the aftermath of what they'd just done, he had no choice but to believe it. 

He was here, in his perfect house, with his perfect wife and perfect kids. Now, with his hand in Braden's hair, their kids playing in the yard, the sound of Brandi and Lauren laughing at something drifting in through the walls... now he could feel like he belonged in this perfection. No more lies, no more hiding. Just the truth of who he was and who he was allowed to be finally matching up. He found Braden's gaze and held it before he leaned in for a gentle brush of their lips. 

He knew something else that was perfect now, too.


End file.
